yeah...you might be wondering by now why I kept my silence...kung bakit bigla na lang ako nawala at tumahimik, why I'm so cold...why? Ikaw kasi, ikaw nagsimula nito, you seems so busy that you didn't even bother to check on things... parang I don't exist anymore...pinagpalit daw ba ako sa isang "teleserye" bad mo...so napag-isip isip ko, "ok ganun pala yun, hahayaan ko na lang sya"...at eto na nga ginagawa ko...
don't worry I'll be back...SOON... para mamiss mo din ako...
(naalala ko lang naman)...
I stepped college na walang kilala...alone and lost...but kailangan kong gawin para sa parents ko, to make them happy. Years past, nung 2nd year college na ako enrollment time un, i was invited by a friend of mine to attend her 18th birthday sa General Santos, at first I'm hesistant kasi nga enrollment, kailangan ko talaga ma-enroll ontime kasi block-section ako or else mahiwalay ako sa mga kablock ko, then there's this guy (yes sya crush ko) which was matagal ko ng siyang napapansin at we chat naman minsan...minsan lang talaga kc shy ako...kasi I'm the type na hindi nag-iinitiate ng conversation kung hindi ako kinakausap una, sya ay matangkad, matalino, so neat, tahimik, pero hindi sya nerd tingnan, anyways...aun nga parang nafeel nya napinoproblema ko un, and good thing is enrollment staff sya, so he offered na sya na lang daw bahala sa enrollment ko at attend na lang daw ako ng debut ng friend ko....goshhh I'm so happy (happy kasi biruin mo crush ko nag-offer then happy kasi aalis ako ng hindi ako nababahala...)
days passed, when i got back sa Cebu and looked for him to know my schedules, naks naman what a good news, classmates kami sa lahat ng subjects...OH HA!!! then started from there, we got closer and closer, lagi ko sya katabi, bad thing was supah nahihiya ako sa kanya, conscious na conscious ang lola nyo...even pag may reporting nako..kung pwede nga lang maglaho bigla...often times, lagi ko sya kagroup, napilitan tuloy ako mag-aral ng mabuti... hehehe
(the kilig part)
my 18th birthday...early morning he fetch me and we went to church...e2 ung isang moment na supah nahihiya ako, eh d ba sa mass "Our Father" eh kailangan magholding hands, abuuuuu un nga hawak kamay kami, nako grabe d ako makaconcentrate sobra sa song kasi finifeel ko ung kamay nya hahaha ang lambot, mas malambot pa ata sa akin, then super pinagpawisan nuo ko waaaaa kakahiya, then sinundan pa sa "Peace be with you" harrr harrr...kita nya tuloy sweat ko waaaa kakahiya... tapos kumain kami then hinatid na nya ako, lunch time eh may mass sa school, aun sabay na naman kami, then here's the dinner time, bumisita na naman sya dala ung gift nya tapos e2 na...he kissed me sa pisngi, waaaaaa parang best birthday gift ever, you know what I did? I went sa room ko at umiyak, yes umiyak, sa tuwa...hahaha parang loka loka /heh masaya lang...kinilig eh...parang dream come true..OMG>..wala lang parang masaya lang ako dahil dba crush ko, tapos pinagpapantasyahan pa un ng ibang schoolmates ko...harrrr...
so yun, naging close kami lalo...there's this moment with my gay friend and my crush (that time 3 kami super close), nag star gazzing kami sa roof top ng bahay, nakahiga sila both sa legs ko (naka pants ako ha)...kwentuhan at open forum kami three, kung ano ang ayaw namin sa isa't isa...then i kept asking myself...d kaya nya ako ligawan? liligawan pa kaya nya ako? hmm type kaya nya ako? mga ganun questions...habang tumatagal naisip ko parang "HINDI" ata ang sagot, napaisip tuloy ako "sayang ang gwapo pa naman nya tapso bading"... so we stayed that way, we are just "CLOSE FRIENDS" HAYZZZZ....
Then dumating ang time na nakilala ko si ivan (my hubby)...niligawan ako, i like him, ayun sinagot ko na. Isang araw, hinatid ako ni hubby sa school at nakita nya kami na nakaholding hands...aba aba...tumaas kilay....tapos pagpasok sa ko sa classroom parang galit....bakit d ko daw sinabi, nyay... eh private un eh...hehehe tapos isang gabi while we are doing our project sabay sabi sa akin "bat ka nagmamadali, bat hindi mo ko hinintay" ay sus...gasgas na line...eh torpe eh... charing masyado...oh well...hina kc eh...ang slow... /gg
So aun, but we stayed good friends naman. Nako we graduated na lang sa college ala pa rin girlfriend...bading siguro un...hehehe *knock sa wood*...sayang poginess if badaf ikaw beshy...wag naman sana...no regrets...I'm happy sa lahat ng decisions ko...
--- napanaginipan ko kc kaya i decided to write here un lang *bow* ----
if only i knew it from the start
if only "she" didn't come
if only we're both alone
if only you're not too dependent to them
if only you don't have friends like them
if only you are just like before
if only all you said and wrote are true
if only you just feel what i felt
if only you're like anybody else
if only you sensitive enough to know what's lacking
if only you're always there
if only you have MORE MORE time with me
if only you just let me feel i'm more extra special to you
if only I'M YOUR PRIORITY
then everything will be PERFECT.....
and i will not be like this....
and
if only you can read this....
I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....I HATE YOU....
wanna say i love you!!!!
.......na masayang masaya ako ngayon kasi after all this time...after the silent....eto nakausap kita ulit..thank you...salamat kasi nakinig ka sa mga sinasabi ko...salamat sa mga tanong at sagot...through those nalaman natin ang mga bagay na gusto natin malaman ....at least ngayon may peace of mind na ako and maybe ikaw din...panatag na loob ko na we are okey...okey in the sense na pwede na kita makakausap na walang halong takot...ilang...at lungkot....salamat sa lahat ng sinabi mo sa akin...basta THANK YOU!!!!
.....na dito lang ako support lang ako all the way....FULL SUPPORT to kala mo.... hehehe....hinahangad ko kaligayahan mo 'coz u deserve to be happy....
....na nagpapasalamat ako ng sobra today. (^_~)
Dear <name>,
It is again dark outside. I am sitting in my room in front of the monitor, with the keyboard in front of me. Again waiting to see your nickname on the screen and have a nice chat with so many feelings in each word. I feel you so near and so distant in the same moment. Every day I find something new in you, something that makes me feel different but sure in one thing - you are not only my friend, you are something more, something deeper. Do you feel the same?
I am not sure in your feelings anymore. Not sure of what I am for you in fact? Am I just another nickname in your list or I am something special as you are for me. I am trying to find the answer by myself, but as I am trying I am getting scared of the answer I may find behind all this. I am not the one you wanted ... or it is you who have changed? I know that I am not the one to blame you, nor the one to want something special, because you are the second one in my heart and you know that I can not change this even if I love you more than I want to. I know that I am the one that makes the thing so complicated, but you said that you are ready for this and you want me after all. Is it still that way?
I remember the day when I decided that I couldn't hide my feeling from you anymore. I wrote you an SMS message and told you what I feel. You were so happy and motivated about the future and so many things were so beautiful and unreal in our relationship that I began thinking that I have found the real love. The love that must be kept and need all my loving. But after some time I began feeling forgotten, unwanted and left behind. Everything was important, but me. Everyone was near you, except me. I wanted to have you near, to feel you as a friend and even like a lover, to share and be there, but it seemed so hard for you to give me these things. I told you so many times that I need them.
After all these days and nights I know that I found a friend, but I am not sure if it is the real love. But I know that I have found my first true love and I will keep it that way. I also know that I will give you all the love you need, or at least all the love you want me to give you. I know that I will love you in a way I cannot show and cannot explain to you. I just want to be loved by you, at least as a friend. Let me know if you have changed you opinion about us. Let me know what has changed or if I am the one who does not understand things. I love you, my only <name>! I love you as a friend and as a lover.
Love always,
<name>
You were the one to run to, for a shoulder to cry on...
You were the one everyone relied on...
Any dreams or fears were safe with you...
I'll admit I ran to you too...
We used to talk for hours about our futures...
Now I know none of it will ever happen...
I know if you were here you would tell me "Be strong"...
"Don't cry" "I'll be here waiting for you..."
I just want you to know you will never be far...
My mind will always be full of memories of you...
I know there's a time we all must go...
MISSIN` YOU MORE~*
Recent Comments